What would it feel like if you could count on your spouse for security and safety?
(No matter what.)
What if your marriage/ partnership wasn’t about you?
What if it was about itself?
These are some of the questions presented in Stan Tatkin’s book, Wired for Love.
Tatkin, writes about “conscious partnership”, which is a commitment to the needs of the relationship rather than to the needs of the self.
He suggests couples create a Couple Bubble, a mutually constructed cocoon that holds a couple together and protects each partner. The Couple Bubble Agreement is, “We Come First”.
Tatkin discusses attachment theory, which focuses on the bonds between parent and child. Tatkin suggests that how individuals attach as children (securely attached, insecurely avoidant, ambivalently attached) has a direct correlation to how one will bond in a romantic long-term relationship. Those early experiences, where we get our sense of safety and security, are the blueprint for our relational wiring.
The bad news is that if your early experiences didn’t go well, your adult relationships might suffer.
The good news is that in this new paradigm for couplehood, which integrates recent brain research with ideas of attachment theory, you can rewire your brain; and realize a secure and healthy adult relationship.
Basically, it’s using science to make your love relationship work.
Wired for Love proposes ten guiding principles, which I found highly beneficial.
Ultimately your partnership has the potential to minimize each other’s stress and optimize each other’s health.
I wish I’d had this book early on in my relationship.
I might’ve done so many things differently.
But I have a bunch of weddings coming up and I can’t think of a better gift.